It was like Monday, I could not get to school fast enough, but by wednesday I could barely make it to class. It's like an oppressive cloud covered me that I just didnt make it to class on Thursday or Friday. I did not want to go to sleep those nights, nor did I wish to get out of bed. Even now its 2 a.m. and I just do not want to sleep.
I didn't get some classwork done because my body or mind just could not sit down and do it. I put it off because my body did not even have the energy to push the buttons to type. I'll pay for it with my grades I know. That is my monkey.
I don't know what happened to me this week but I really wish it would go away.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Time to move on
I'm sitting here at 4:00 am because once again I cannot, or will not, go to sleep. I am sitting here watching The Shawshank Redemption, and it got me thinking about my life. That movie usually does. "Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'." Honestly that is one of the greatest lines given in a film.
I don't want to talk about the film right now; I want to talk about life, my life. I am a 26 year old divorce', who's living quite well off of the grace of his parents, thanks to their lovely food and home. I realize that what I am about to say sounds like the drunken ramblings of a hopeless man, but I promise you, I am filled with hope. I am at the point now, when I realize a few things about being a man. I am beginning to realize responsibility. I have prayed to God lately to please, make me step up, and take charge of the things that need to be done. God has recently given me several opportunities, which I have succeeded and failed. I missed the full day of school Tuesday before the break, because my body would not get out of bed. I now have a science project that I know nothing about due soon after. I have taken steps to correct some bad grades though. I made an A on the second statistics test, due to long hours of study. That drained me for the rest of the week. I have done a little more to help around the house, although not as much as I could.
I heard a man say on TV today, "Becoming a man is harder than you think it should, and longer than you think it should; but when you reach that point when others matter more than yourself, you've made a good start." I did paraphrase a bit, but I believe the message is still true. My life has always been better than most. It's had its downtime though. My wife left me at 22. I didn't make her cheat, but I've had a long time to reflect and see if there was anything different I could have done. I could have done the yard more often, helped with the dishes more often, or maybe learned how to cook once. I may not have been a perfect husband, but I still believe I was good. For that reason I have no doubt that I will be a good husband to another woman, a better woman. My ex-wife gave me several gifts during our time together, but the one I treasure most is a brass pocket watch. The kind you wind up to make it work. It was the last gift I remember her giving me. It might as well be made of gold, because it looks just as shiny. It's really brass plated, and starting to wear down to the metal, but the watch itself is still in perfect order. The thing is, that watch reminds me of my life. If it's not kept wound, it dies and becomes nothing but a paperweight. When someone comes along and helps wind the clock a bit, it springs to life, ready to move, and do what it does best.
Several people of late has wound my clock a bit. My parents for their love and support of my schooling. My brother and his wife to help me have some fun. My new friend Luke, who reminds me of my friendship style, willing to adjust, to spend some time with good company. My friend Chris for playing Rock Band, and his wife Laura for giving me a second job. My friend Meg who I talk with to let off steam. Finally, my classmates of English 226, who read my blog and leave such endearing comments. I continue to write because I can let go of issues that are on my mind, and they are usually well received by you. I hope I mean as much to you, as you do to me.
Now to end this I will simply say that everything I just wrote, I don't feel I can truly sum up, but I really don't care either. I don't think I've done enough to sum it up. I will simply end by saying to all my friends and family...
I Love You.
I don't want to talk about the film right now; I want to talk about life, my life. I am a 26 year old divorce', who's living quite well off of the grace of his parents, thanks to their lovely food and home. I realize that what I am about to say sounds like the drunken ramblings of a hopeless man, but I promise you, I am filled with hope. I am at the point now, when I realize a few things about being a man. I am beginning to realize responsibility. I have prayed to God lately to please, make me step up, and take charge of the things that need to be done. God has recently given me several opportunities, which I have succeeded and failed. I missed the full day of school Tuesday before the break, because my body would not get out of bed. I now have a science project that I know nothing about due soon after. I have taken steps to correct some bad grades though. I made an A on the second statistics test, due to long hours of study. That drained me for the rest of the week. I have done a little more to help around the house, although not as much as I could.
I heard a man say on TV today, "Becoming a man is harder than you think it should, and longer than you think it should; but when you reach that point when others matter more than yourself, you've made a good start." I did paraphrase a bit, but I believe the message is still true. My life has always been better than most. It's had its downtime though. My wife left me at 22. I didn't make her cheat, but I've had a long time to reflect and see if there was anything different I could have done. I could have done the yard more often, helped with the dishes more often, or maybe learned how to cook once. I may not have been a perfect husband, but I still believe I was good. For that reason I have no doubt that I will be a good husband to another woman, a better woman. My ex-wife gave me several gifts during our time together, but the one I treasure most is a brass pocket watch. The kind you wind up to make it work. It was the last gift I remember her giving me. It might as well be made of gold, because it looks just as shiny. It's really brass plated, and starting to wear down to the metal, but the watch itself is still in perfect order. The thing is, that watch reminds me of my life. If it's not kept wound, it dies and becomes nothing but a paperweight. When someone comes along and helps wind the clock a bit, it springs to life, ready to move, and do what it does best.
Several people of late has wound my clock a bit. My parents for their love and support of my schooling. My brother and his wife to help me have some fun. My new friend Luke, who reminds me of my friendship style, willing to adjust, to spend some time with good company. My friend Chris for playing Rock Band, and his wife Laura for giving me a second job. My friend Meg who I talk with to let off steam. Finally, my classmates of English 226, who read my blog and leave such endearing comments. I continue to write because I can let go of issues that are on my mind, and they are usually well received by you. I hope I mean as much to you, as you do to me.
Now to end this I will simply say that everything I just wrote, I don't feel I can truly sum up, but I really don't care either. I don't think I've done enough to sum it up. I will simply end by saying to all my friends and family...
I Love You.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
Yes, just like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, I find myself needing to escape. I know we all do it. I find that special place that allows me to get away from everything and ease my mood. My sanctuary is the movie theater, Cinemark or Boardwalk. I go to them whenever I have a bad day. The therapy from films are cheaper than a shrink.
The films that have happy endings are obviously my favorite. I recently saw The Watchmen, and it was a great film. Don't worry, I'm not going to ruin it. It was a heck of a day, and I called my friend Luke to ask if he wanted to see a film. As I sat there waiting for the film to start, I remember feeling the rush of not knowing where the story is going. The most exciting part of film, is living the adventure with the characters.
My favorite movies include My Fair Lady, Pretty Woman, Cars, A Few Good Men, Men of Honor, Galaxy Quest, Enchanted, and many more. I run the gambit of films to find the good and bad. I see most films by word of mouth. My friends will tell me their favorite films, and I'll rent them. Many of the films I've seen have been good, but others are awful.
I saw a film called Feast from a friends recommendation, and it was B-A-D! Not Killer Clowns from Outer Space bad, but "I want those 2 hours back," bad. I hate it when I see a film, and I wasted my day with it. I enjoy crap-tastic movies, but I don't want to feel worse for seeing a film.
I know I'll see many more crummy movies, but when I see a gem, I get excited.
The films that have happy endings are obviously my favorite. I recently saw The Watchmen, and it was a great film. Don't worry, I'm not going to ruin it. It was a heck of a day, and I called my friend Luke to ask if he wanted to see a film. As I sat there waiting for the film to start, I remember feeling the rush of not knowing where the story is going. The most exciting part of film, is living the adventure with the characters.
My favorite movies include My Fair Lady, Pretty Woman, Cars, A Few Good Men, Men of Honor, Galaxy Quest, Enchanted, and many more. I run the gambit of films to find the good and bad. I see most films by word of mouth. My friends will tell me their favorite films, and I'll rent them. Many of the films I've seen have been good, but others are awful.
I saw a film called Feast from a friends recommendation, and it was B-A-D! Not Killer Clowns from Outer Space bad, but "I want those 2 hours back," bad. I hate it when I see a film, and I wasted my day with it. I enjoy crap-tastic movies, but I don't want to feel worse for seeing a film.
I know I'll see many more crummy movies, but when I see a gem, I get excited.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Is it strange...?
I have been reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince for the second time, because the movie will be out this summer, and, when I read it, one thing has remained the same. I'm in love with Ginny Weasley. I know its not natural by any sense, but, she has all of the attributes that I would find appealing if I had to choose the woman of my dreams.
First off, she is a little headstrong. Call me crazy, but I like a woman with her own ideas. If she can think for herself and bears a resemblance of intelligence, that usually catches my fancy. I'm tired of the model woman that go around on looks alone and when they speak; you feel like you'd rather drill a hole in your head. There's nothing to these people. Ginny, on the other hand, knows what she wants, and can say it, but is a bit shy going after it. I find that behavior kind of cute, but I'd rather she just go for it.
Next, Ginny is a nurturer. She will help out with any crisis. If family needs help, she helps out. If someones sick, she's there with medicine. She really isn't selfish enough to let it be about her. I like that fairer, delicate aspect about her. I wish I saw it in more women these days.
Ginny also has personality. She can show what she's feeling without a guy having to really guess. I like a woman to speak her mind, especially because I can't take hints. She isn't a downer either. You know, those people that suck the life out of the room? It's like she can use her own energy to liven up the room.
Ginny also has gorgeous red hair.
Okay, I have have a boyish crush over a literary character. I can't help it. She has all of the traits that I look for in a woman, but can't seem to find in real life. I admit, I lie a little. I have found them in some women, but they're either with someone, or not interested in me.
That leaves me with my final question. Surely, I can't be the only person this has happened to? I want to know. Have you ever fallen in love with a character that has never existed?
First off, she is a little headstrong. Call me crazy, but I like a woman with her own ideas. If she can think for herself and bears a resemblance of intelligence, that usually catches my fancy. I'm tired of the model woman that go around on looks alone and when they speak; you feel like you'd rather drill a hole in your head. There's nothing to these people. Ginny, on the other hand, knows what she wants, and can say it, but is a bit shy going after it. I find that behavior kind of cute, but I'd rather she just go for it.
Next, Ginny is a nurturer. She will help out with any crisis. If family needs help, she helps out. If someones sick, she's there with medicine. She really isn't selfish enough to let it be about her. I like that fairer, delicate aspect about her. I wish I saw it in more women these days.
Ginny also has personality. She can show what she's feeling without a guy having to really guess. I like a woman to speak her mind, especially because I can't take hints. She isn't a downer either. You know, those people that suck the life out of the room? It's like she can use her own energy to liven up the room.
Ginny also has gorgeous red hair.
Okay, I have have a boyish crush over a literary character. I can't help it. She has all of the traits that I look for in a woman, but can't seem to find in real life. I admit, I lie a little. I have found them in some women, but they're either with someone, or not interested in me.
That leaves me with my final question. Surely, I can't be the only person this has happened to? I want to know. Have you ever fallen in love with a character that has never existed?
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